In the great tradition of the reason for the season, and the true meaning of new beginnings, and partying like it’s the time of giving thanks, 2007 has ended.

 

    2007 was a good year, and divided by our trusty friend number 9, a prime year.  It was a year of things, events, people and places, far beyond the scope of the imagination of even the cleverest of children.  Most importantly, far more important than any of those people, and most of those places and things, 2007 was a year of confusing, and amazing film.  And 2007 was again, like every other year, the best year of film.
 
    The contenders for Best, Worst Film this year were nominated by our special guest judges. Michael “Heavy” Honeyman nominated the Viking/Native American Indian film “Pathfinder”, which released in early April 2007.  Ashley “Tit’s McGee” Brown nominated the most recent effort by American Darling Linsay Lohan.  Released in late July 2007, it spent a triumphant 24 days in US theaters.  Guest Judges Brosiff 1 and Brosiff 2, who were with us in spirit, but who were unable to attend the ceremony due to commitments driving their trucks to “Bangin’” New Years Eve parties, nominated “Illegal Tender” and “The Last Legion”, both released in August.  Both of these films were period pieces, The Last Legion taking place during the last years of the Roman Empire, and Illegal Tender taking place on the temporal plane where Texas Hold’em and Reggaeton collide.
 
    The Fourth Annual Raoul Awards gathered, once again, to pay tribute to the Best Cinema has to offer. The nominated Best, Worst Films of 2007 were watched in succession and awards divvied out during and immediately after viewing.  The order in which the films were viewed, this year, was chosen by our Master of Ceremonies who assertively placed the films in the order of:

 

The Attendees this year were:
 
Master of Ceremonies:
Newtonian Physics
 
Your Judges:
Ben Chamberlin
Ryan Hoskins
Rob Coleman
With Guest Special Guest Judges
Michael “Heavy” Honeyman
Ashley “Tits McGee” Brown
And a Chute of Brosiffs
 
 
2007 Raoul Awards:

3rd Heaviest, Best, Worst Film of 2007:

“The Last Legion”

Most Bob Dylans that bear no resemblance to Bob Dylan, and inclusion of a whale:

“I’m not there”
This film depicted Bob Dylan as he truly is; in every way anyone involved could possibly think of.

Best Actor in a Supporting Role:
this year jointly awarded to:

The Color Blue and Art Bell in “I know Who Killed Me”
These two were the Yin and Yang of their film, one providing utter confusion, and the other trying desperately to make sense of it in 15 seconds or less.

Award for the first Award Given in 2007:

3rd Heaviest, Best, Worst Film of 2007

Annual “Braveheart for Puerto Ricans Award:

“Illegal Tender”
A new award which goes to the greatest representation of Puerto Rican strength in the face of some kind  adversity.  

Best, performance by Stock Footage:

“Pathfinder”
Germans know economics

Best Worst Marvel ® Dance Movie:

“Spiderman 3”
And no one saw it coming

Best Native American Adaptation of a Sequence from a Timothy Dalton James Bond Movie:

“Pathfinder”
To avoid historical inaccuracies the cello and machine guns were left out, but a respectful nod of certainly the fourth most beloved James Bond.

 Most Scores Settled:

“Illegal Tender”
If you have to settle a score after killing someone you have proven you are truly the best, worse score settler there is.

The Best Film that Doesn’t want to talk about it:

“Illegal Tender”

"Come over here.  I have to tell you something about this award..."
"what?"
"I don't want to talk about it"

Most Fart Jokes Removed From a Film:

“Pathfinder”
Germans really do have a special sense of humor

Best Climatologist’s Nightmare:

“Pathfinder”
If only I could walk a mile from freezing cold mountains to a tropical jungle.

Best Utterly Anonymous Ensemble:

“Pathfinder”
Upon completion of pathfinder you will be treated to the credit roll, which includes the names of all of the characters in the movie.  None of these names are ever actually used in the film.  In fact the only name uttered during the film is that of the "pathfinder", which spoiler alert is not our protagonist.

  Best, Worst Film of 2007:  
“Pathfinder”
Pathfinder managed to wow all of the judges this year.  It did so not only by it’s commitment to being almost unwatchable, but also in it’s sincere belief that it’s concept of Vikings vs. Indians was alone, quite enough to carry an audience through 99 minutes.  During those 99 minutes, the audience journeyed through almost no dialogue, useless scenes, and spastic often unexplained weather and lighting change, and a nameless cast.  If that wasn't enough, the total package of the Pathfinder DVD included 8 more minutes of spectacularly underwhelming material, deleted scenes and  director commentary from an award worthy director.
 
 

 And of course, most importantly, we present our coveted,

Posthumous award for no longer existing:

  "to the year of 2007"

for going out with style.
We'll miss you honey